There are only so many days of your life.

We all know this.

But we don’t KNOW it … Not until it smacks us in the face.

And if you’re lucky, then you will still have chance to have more days – because of the efforts of clever people like doctors & nurses; or because a hero or heroine has stepped in and saved the day. And you will be okay after all and you thank God or fate or just plain luck for it.

But in those moments of realisation – I could have died just then – there will come yet more realisations, a veritable cascade: have I done “enough” with my life?  Am I happy?  Who am I?  And on and on –  and you can’t unlearn them.

So you have to make changes. Because there are only so many days of your life and you know this so completely now that it seems absolutely absurd you didn’t know this before. It wasn’t even that you “wasted” your life – but you were so caught up in the little things: those resentments & irritations that made life just that bit more difficult; those worries that kept you awake at night and sapped your energy. You weren’t miserable; but you weren’t not miserable either. You did everything you were supposed to, but instead of looking out at life and how amazing it is, all you saw was an uphill struggle.

Life is short.

We know this … But we don’t know it.

I know I didn’t. The memory of 2012 will stay with me for the rest of my life. Lots of great things happened for me on a writing level; yet weirdly, even though I had worked so hard for so long to set those things up and even wrote a new novel, writing didn’t even really figure on the scale for me. It was the personal things that remain. A terrible illness; a move cross-county; a new lease of life. And strangely, the last two could never have happened had the first not.

It was the worst year ever. It was the best year ever.

Because I’m still here. And I’m making changes.

Here’s to you and yours.

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8 Responses to The Best Worst Year

  1. Ali says:

    Thank you for a beautiful and inspiring post.
    Everything you wrote struck a chord…
    Wishing you a merry christmas and all the best for the new year.

  2. Karen says:

    I too had a wake-up call due to an awful illness. It’s true, until it happens to you, you really don’t appreciate it in that pit-of-the-stomach type way just how short your life might be. Sounds corny, but it was good for me and now I work like a daemon. Good luck to you Lucy, you’re ace!

  3. Neal R. says:

    Thanks for sharing that and reminding me that I mustn’t take those gifts of illumination for granted. Because not everyone is lucky enough to get the lesson at all, but then once the lesson comes, but we have to cooperate with it and say yes to it, and not just go back to sleep. We have to keep the flame lit. A full & rich & deep & wide New Year to you!

  4. Rachael Howatd says:

    We need to grab life by the throat and shake it until it agrees to let us enjoy every moment without burying us under niggles.

  5. Rob Talbot says:

    No matter what you do or don’t do – you die!
    Knowing it intelectually is one thing – understanding it emotionally another.

    My own “brush with the reaper” certainly opened my eyes – 13 years later I still enjoy every day and I’ve honestly not been bored for a minute since.

    Not intending to move “cross-country” though I’m tempted to go “up North”. Whatever I do – I intend to do it well and enjoy being here.

    Good luck …

  6. Hi Lucy,
    I felt as if you wrote for my life situation. After retirement from work, I made up my mind to go with the flow; learnt what I liked; computer work included!Though it is very hard to forget the past, I learnt to love and care for other people and forgive those who disliked me. Only thing I pray for is strength and lots of energy to fulfill my keen interest in photography and shortfilm making. I put all my photos on the Facebook so that I feel that I am providing happiness to those who appreciate my work.Thank you for your thought. Regards.

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