So I’ve drafted and redrafted the application questions for my Writers’ Academy application. I’ve drafted, had readers’ reports, cogitated, polished and re-polished my writing sample. I’ve gone through everything with a fine toothcomb. In theory, it’s *got* to be ready to send out.

In theory.

I just know, as soon as I click the return button, the FEAR will strike. Have I done enough? Is the sample good enough? Have I picked the right one?? Is it emotional enough?? Can it be better? Have I missed something obvious? Are there typos or grammar errors? Can they smell my desperation emanating off the electronic form?! (Though in all fairness, they probably know already, on account of these blog entries).

Sigh.

The problem, when you want (really, really want) something, is that there’s a good chance you go and wreck it. You sabotage yourself by saying or doing something really dumb. Or both. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve screwed up opportunities ‘cos I want them – and conversely, got stuff I was way more chilled about. The key here then is to be relax, aloof, cool. Whatever will be, will be. C’est la vie. Etc, blah blah blah.

Yeah right!

I’ve loved continuing drama since I was a little GIRL. Though movies are fantastic and I love them, my DREAM was always to write for TV, not film. I always wanted to be the one whose name was at the end of Eastenders. Or Casualty, Holby City, Doctors. Corrie! Emmerdale! ALL OF THEM.

Has anyone got any chickens or goats I can sacrifice to Aunty? A beetle would do.

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10 Responses to The FEAR

  1. Laura Anderson says:

    I’m sure your application and sample are brilliant, Lucy! I do know what you mean about THE FEAR though. I guess the only consolation is that if we don’t hit that send button, we’ll never get anywhere, so don’t really have a choice.

    I will gladgly sacrifice a tomato for you x

  2. Lucy says:

    Thanks luv! A tomato will do, at least it will squish nicely and make a delicious red mess…

    I dreamt last night I was being interviewed by Ceri Meyrick for the WA, but it turns out she was Yvette Fielding. Also, I woke up before I found out if I got in or not. Damn!!!

  3. Sofluid says:

    I got the fear polishing and printing my COMING UP entry… And that’s the first screenwriting competition I’ve ever entered (so far)! I anticipate suffering it every time I enter something. I think we all suffer it to some extent… It’s that deadline panic rearing its ugly head! I wonder if we’ll ever get used to it/overcome it?

  4. Scaramanga says:

    I was just saying a couple of posts ago about the problems I was going through all because I want to get into a writers program over here and so I am glad I am not alone in my anguish.

    But I am sure that all the applicants want it, so there cant be any harm done if your app sounds like you want it more surely?

    We dont have any livestock up here and there are no bugs either due to the cold. I could walk across the lake and grab the beaver out of his house but I would probably fall through the ice.

    Sorry.

    Charles

  5. Janice Okoh says:

    Know what you mean about the fear. Press send and forget about it.

    Hope you get through to the workshop, I really do…

  6. Antonia says:

    All the best!

  7. Lucy says:

    Thanks guys, you’re all lovely — I don’t think we ever get used to it, professional writers I know often confess they’re “afraid” of various pitches and whatnot, so there’s no hope for us!

    And Charles- get me that beaver!

  8. Sally A says:

    *GO LUCY*!!!!!!

    “It’s only when we’re truly scared that we know we’re being truly brave” – can’t remember who said that but it’s an ace quote.

    It’s all horribly horribly scary but you gotta be in it to win it… and you’re in it!!! Yay!

    Big love

    Sal xx

  9. Robin Kelly says:

    I had nothing to sacrifice so I’ve just burnt down my local pet store. I hope that will do. Good luck.

  10. Lucy says:

    Cheers Sally A – I often say that to people, but it applies to everyone…

    Thanks Robin! I hope you got all the guinea pigs, those things are satan’s spawn…

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