We all get wrong number phone calls, I even wrote about one the other week in which I was mistaken for the mysterious Cerys Mitchell. It’s easy to do, especially in this age of the push-button telephone.

But wrong emails are another matter. I’ve obviously received lots of spam in my inbox, but never an email conversation from one of my contacts destined for someone else.

Until today. The first one:

J, I told you to get that f****** copy in yesterday and it’s still not here!

I write back,

Hi, that message isn’t destined for me. See you Friday.

He returns with:

Don’t f*** with me, I’m deadly serious: need the copy now!

I write back:

Seriously, it’s not J. It’s L. You’ve got us mixed up or something. See you Friday.

And again:

If you don’t send me that f****** attachment RIGHT THIS MINUTE I swear I will come down to Luton and get wicked on your arse with a corkscrew. And that’s just for starters.

It’s just as well I know this emailer and the fact he’s a 24 carat wimp (Hi N, gulp), else I might actually be scared right now for somebody in Luton. Especially since I’m pretty sure the offending J lives in Hackney.

“Wicked on your arse” though – using that…

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3 Responses to Wrong Number… Wrong Email?

  1. Darren Goldsmith says:

    I had a wrong number ‘phone call once… the person at the other end simply said ‘Laura is dead’.

    I was eight.

  2. Lucy says:

    Yikes.

    I had a very overly dramatic friend when I was a teen who would answer the phone with all sorts, rather than “hello”. Once he said:

    “Short of nuclear war, this day could not be any worse – tell me some BAD NEWS.”

    I could have been anyone!

  3. d f mamea says:

    PHONE: Ring-ring. Ring -

    ME: Hello, D speaking.

    VOICE: Hey, D – I just tried to get into your house but you weren’t home -

    ME: (glancing around) Really?

    VOICE: – and then I tried to catch your wife but I just missed her -

    ME: (looks for a wieldy blunt object) My wife?

    VOICE: – yeah, and -. D?

    ME: Yes?

    VOICE: … *D* Grierson?

    ME: No, D Mamea.

    VOICE: Oh. Sorry. Wrong number.

    PHONE: [dial tone]

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